Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize