Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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