i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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