it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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