your thong is hanging out like whoa
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
