Im at strip club and am horny
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she peed on how many people?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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