i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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