I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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