Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
