I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
