TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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