I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
