just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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