I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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