Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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