I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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