I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
