Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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