If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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