Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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