i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
