This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
