a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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