So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize