im having a threesome with these popsicles
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize