Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
