I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
