the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
