brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
