I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His hands were made for my vagina.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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