I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
