I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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