So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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