thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
