omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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