So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Success! We fucked roommates!
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