She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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