I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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