I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
