I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
