I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
