I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
