she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
