you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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