Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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