Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
