Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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