Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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