I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
