We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
