It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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