I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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