Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
