I want to have your abortion
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
