I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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