Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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