i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
