If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
