Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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