i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
