Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
